Cast of Characters

WOOLFIE - The boy next door...unfortunately, he is also a wolf! Shy and endearing as himself but also plays the "big, bad wolf" of fairytale lore.

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD - A precocious little girl. Syrupy sweet. Wide-eyed innocence in the extreme. Cutsie sing-songy delivery.

THE NARRATOR - An argumentative country bumpkin. Thick hillbilly accent.

JUDGE BILLY GOAT GRUFF - A grumpy, gruff old goat.

THE BAILIFF - Little Bo Peep complete with shepard's hook. Excited by her sense of importance, she enjoys the trial immensely, and feels free to comment on the proceedings.

THE LAWYER - The only non-fairytale character in the show, the Lawyer has been imported into this fairy tale madness to prosecute Woolfie. S/he spends most of the play deeply confused and dismayed.

THE THREE LITTLE PIGS: HARRY, the ring leader. An obnoxious and cunning bully. HENRY, Harry's dullard brother and willing partner-in-crime. LEOPOLD, the nicest of the pigs. He is bullied into playing along with Harry's dastardly schemes. All three have thick Brooklyn/mobster type accents.

BABY BEAR - A terribly cute spoiled brat. Talks and acts like a baby.

RED'S MOTHER - Although she cares deeply for her daughter she has no tolerance for Woolfie or anything that is "different."

MOMMA & PAPPA BEAR - Cameo appearances at the end of the show. Mamma and Pappa Bear from "Goldilocks and the Three Bears."

RED'S DOUBLE - Cameo appreance at the end of the show. This character acts out Red's story as she {Red} tells it from the witness stand.

THE JURY - A hostile and vocal group who often speak and act as one. This is an ideal place to expand the cast as any size jury may be used.

 
EXCERPT FROM THE SCRIPT

RED: (ENTERING downstage of the courtroom. To AUDIENCE) Here I am out tra-la-laing in the woods. I'm on my way to Grandmother's house! I come out to the woods everyday to play and frolic like the cute little girl I am! These are my shoes. Know how I know? Guess ... WRONG! Cause I'm wearing em', that's how! Wasn't that funny? Tee hee! It's a joke. I made it up in my brain thing! I like to make things up. I make lots of things up, like, that I got an A on my report card and... FOR-GOT! But I'm cute as the dickens, my Granny says so!

WOOLFIE: Hello little girl. Wanna come to my house and be dinner. Uh, for dinner?!

RED: HI!

WOOLFIE: You sure do look nutritious, I mean delicious, I mean, ... cute today. Sure you wouldn't like to come to dinner? (WOOLFIE laughs evilly)

RED: Thanks, but my Granny says I shouldn't talk to strangers.

WOOLFIE: Smart woman your Granny. Oh, ho, ho! Yes your Granny's a smart one, but, uh, I'm no stranger.

RED: No?

WOOLFIE: Oh no. I have... CANDY! (WOOLFIE produces a basket full of candy)

RED: Oooooo, can I have some?

WOOLFIE: Sure, I give candy to all my friends. You are my friend aren't you?

RED: You bet! (RED grabs the candy and shoves it in her mouth, then turns to leave)

WOOLFIE: Where are you going little girl?

RED: (With a mouth full) To Grandmother's house. Got anymore candy?

WOOLFIE: Of course I do. Here! (WOOLFIE gives RED more candy) Little girls should have all the candy they want, so that they're nice and plump for dinner.

RED: I like the way you think! (RED continues to eat as much as she can as quickly as she can)

WOOLFIE: Where, uh, does your Grandmother live?

RED: Oh, I can't tell you that.

WOOLFIE: Why not?

RED: Cause you might go eat her all up. You are a wolf aren't you?

WOOLFIE: Me? A wolf? (WOOLFIE laughs) You know, I was thinking that I might like to go to Granny's house and give her some candy for you to eat later.

RED: Gee, that'd be swell. (RED begins to skip offstage)

WOOLFIE: Well?

RED: Well what?

WOOLFIE: WELL, WHERE WERE DOES SHE LIVE?

RED: Ohhhhh. Over the river and through the woods.

WOOLFIE: O.K. Make sure you eat all that candy now. (WOOLFIE feeds her some candy)

RED: But it might ruin dinner.

WOOLFIE: I don't think so. Toodles. (EXIT WOOLFIE and RED)

LAWYER: What happened then?

NARRATOR: Well now, what do you think happened?

LAWYER: Well now I don't know what happened.

NARRATOR: Geez! City slicker. He done went ta Granny's house an he et her all up!

LAWYER: Now wait a minute, I talked to Granny this morning.

NARRATOR: Well, (Big beat) she got better.

LAWYER: And then?

NARRATOR: And then? And then he put on Granny's clothes, PRE-VERT, an he waited fer Red ta come along. Happy now?

LAWYER: What happened when Red arrived? (ENTER WOOLFIE in GRANNY'S gown and cap. WOOLFIE lies down in bed)

RED: (ENTERING. WOOLFIE and RED act out the rest of the NARRATOR'S story) Granny, I'm here and boy am I hungry. Did somebody happen to drop off some candy for me?!

WOOLFIE: (In falsetto GRANNY voice) Hello, my child.

RED: Are you okay, Granny?

WOOLFIE: Just a bit of indigestion my dear. (WOOLFIE burps then giggles girlishly)

RED: Aww Granny, you didn't eat all my candy did you? Grandmother, what big eyes you have.

WOOLFIE: The better to see you with my child.

RED: Grandmother, what big arms you have.

WOOLFIE: (Grabbing RED) The better to hold you with my child.

RED: But grandmother, what big teeth you have!

WOOLFIE: THE BETTER TO EAT YOU WITH! (WOOLFIE pounces on RED. THE JURY gasps. The action stops. WOOLFIE breaks out of the action to protest) That's not what happened, I swear! (WOOLFIE throws off THE GRANNY costume. EXIT RED)

JUDGE: Woolfie, get up here right now. You have some explaining to do.

NARRATOR: Whooeee! I'll say he does! (EXIT THE NARRATOR)

BAILIFF: (Calling after THE NARRATOR) You may step down now.

LAWYER: The prosecution calls, Woolfie. (THE JURY boos WOOLFIE. WOOLFIE takes the stand) Did you indeed on the day in question meet and eat Little Red Riding Hood? And, in addition, did you consume her Granny?

WOOLFIE: (To BAILIFF) Aren't you gonna swear me in?

BAILIFF: Naw, we're all friends here.

JUDGE: Answer the question.

WOOLFIE: Yes, I did go to Granny's house that day. (The jury bursts with excitement)

JUDGE: Shhhhh!